A short update...Day 3

 Apparently I am not as successful as I had intended...That being said, I am a bit overwhelmed with teaching and I have been very tired. I am having mixed feeling about continuing to be a biology instructor, grading is yucky. (3/16)

OK - so now we are more than a week later (3/26)...I have been not having enough "spoons" to make it through my work day sometimes.  

Last week was Spring Break and I really didn't want to go back to school yesterday. My Mondays and Wednesdays are busy, teaching/peopling all day. Today (Tuesday) and Thursdays are usually more chill, but today was "Spring Fling" on campus - a day to play and get some energy out. I spent 3 hours out in the sun chatting with students, other faculty, and administration. I did get to hang out with some of my favorite students and push my "gay agenda"

I am the faculty advisor for our LGBTQIA+ Student group (Equality Club). There have been some super-serious push back on (all) the student groups likely associated with the coming out (as a transgender woman) of a different club's faculty advisor and that club's creation of a supported (until the conservative "Christian" administration saw it) literary "Die-gest" of student-created horror stories and images. Nothing overtly gross/offensive, but there was use of "curse words" that apparently our President is not willing to say out loud ("the s-word, and G-D-!"). These are commonly used words, especially in the younger (college-age) crowd (and me). And a story that was "real" and set in a local community (where one of the Trustees lives).

BUT the Trustees!!!! BUT our FUNDERS!!! ($$)

False drama. In addition, this also led to the loss of a librarian that was pretty highly regarded and was a huge supporter of our students - both as students and supporting their First Amendment Rights (Free Speech). She was constructively fired for going to bat for our students to be able to create some literary horror stories and images. 

COVID (online teaching and associated cheating) was the start of feeling of the end of my enjoyment of my employment. This has been close to the final piece. The administration claims to "not discriminate on the basis of..." but their actions do not match their words - they are now manipulating the narrative to match their actions. There is a Title IX claim out now, but who are the ones that adjudicate that? Administration. And the two major manipulators are high-up people. It does not make for a safe-feeling place of employment. My direct supervisor (and co-workers) is a big supporter, but that is about as far as it goes. 

There are problems with leaving this job...

• *I really enjoy the students and teaching.
• *I need the income/insurance/benefits.
• I really love where I live and can't really imagine where else to go (though a more liberal community would be a HUGE improvement!)
  
• I am 54 yo, I have a PhD, and I have a lot of skills and as such, I would also want to earn the salary that would go with that. And someone younger/less educated is likely to not "cost" as much as I would. 
  
• I have ideas as to what I want to do, but no clue how to make it happen - I would still love to teach, but not have the grading/and hypocritical administration included. 
• I am very nervous, cowardly, and not-confident when it comes to interviewing - I am self-conscious and have been known to swear (say "shit") when I am stressed/interviewing...I am pretty good at not dropping the F-bomb.
  

I have been taking some time (over break) to do a little sewing. That was good. I have also recently become involved with a really cool gang of quilters through Zoom! It is an international group (at least Australia, New Zealand, USA, and Canada) and they are fun. I have really enjoyed being involved with a community of similar-minded quilters. I am feeling quite isolated in rural NC - the local quilt-group meets Tuesdays, early afternoons...not conducive to working people (grrr). 

Below are 4 squares that I have been playing with - making cats in the corners (no eyes/whiskers yet) and then the object that they are interested in. They were made starting with 6" scrap squares and trimmed to ~5.5" so, overall about 20 inches square. The inserted bits have been appliqued by machine. I will finish them some other time, for now they are chilling on the wall.

 

 

Anyway, this is going to be the disconnected day 3 short entry...I am not well-focused at the moment, and will take some time to try to re-focus and post again soon.