Tuesday, December 11, 2007
i currently have this image on my desktop...it came from National Geographic...cool, huh?
my life as a fish girl has been a bit rocky as of late. i have been told that the first year is the hardest. went to see Golden Compass yesterday, Mom's birthday, and it was good. they played with the timeline from the story, but mostly what happened, happened. some major things were left out--like the ending--but i guess that means that we have to see the second movie, huh?
i am reading like i have never read before...i have read some serious "foundation" articles and a ton of info on estuaries and their functions. i have read about the history of cod, oysters and now striped bass and then Chilean Seabass (toothfish) (they are yummy, but overfished)(duh)(smile). good books and all but a TON of reading. i am taking my comprehensive exams soon (January 7-10)...this should be a time of stress, but i think i will probably be too pooped to be too stressed, but i am not sure...we shall see.
there is a big, bright yellow dandelion in the yard, and temps are in the 70's!! holy cow! the birds are still thinking that it will be snowing soon, and who knows, that may happen tomorrow...gotta go get more bird food soon, and feed the "chickens" (you know, anything that diverts you from what you NEED to be doing). speaking of chickens, i made the neman marcus cookies a few days ago, if you have the recipe, try it, they are great!
Thursday, November 1, 2007
this was taken on-board the Schooner-Heritage in June of 2001. mom and i went on this cruse...7 days and 6 nights in Maine...what fun! i actually went swimming, like an idiot...water temps in the 50's!? gotta do it once, huh? this was a really cold morning...mom didn't even have coffee yet!
we had a good time getting there too...covered bridges and some cemeteries for grave rubbing...i brought back a fern from NH at a covered bridge, (probably illegally) that i planted in the front yard, it is probably gone now, with the new people and all...sigh. anyways, we had a good trip and i won't forget it...i also just recently found her copy of the map and notes about the trip! I haven't read it just yet, but it is nice to have her notes too. she was such a neat lady.
tomorrow will be one year from hearing that the surgery was a no-go for mom's gamma knife surgery. by sunday, mom called and said come. we were on the road and a 12 hour car ride with 4 cats within 2 hours of getting that message.
i had planned to take a recorder with me for thanksgiving and ask questions of mom, like margo, my neice asked dad last year. it never happened. there are so many questions that will never be answered. i miss mom every day. i see the birds and they make me smile. i quilt and it makes me think of her. i just found some papers with her handwriting on them, i didn't want to get rid of them, they were things i would never use...just mom's. i copied some and them passed them on with one of mom's old books, they belong together. i miss her so much.
the things i am doing, i am doing in her memory. i will finish school and it will be because of her. she believed in me and made me believe in myself. i love my mom. i am glad to have known her as an adult child.
i am greatful for the people who are taking care of me now, too. i know they love me and support me, but most of them don't know what its like. fonda's mom says she still looks for her mom sometimes...that's what its like, like she just went out and she'll be back and i can tell her i love her again and she will tell me too. oh, god. i miss my mom.
ok, i need to put on my happy face and to out into the world again, for now. i have to go to class and send some mail...i am not looking forward to the coming weeks. i need to make new plans...i am going to try to continue mom's thanksgiving plans and invite those who cannot make it home for the holiday to come and eat with us. to have those with no other options to come and join us so they won't be alone on thanksgiving, but it will be hard, i know this. but, that's what life is about, making it through the hard times and sharing things with others...making new memories to add to the old. thank god i won't be traveling far this year (knock on wood).
Peace and tears-snile (mom's old sign-off)
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
all is good today...i think my sister got a dog...sigh...they are trying to have a baby too. happy to have my life some days. tomorrow is a reading day for me...i have a chapter and 1/2 to get through then there is a new professor and new material...AND i have to continue reading for my comps which will be in January...sigh...one step at a time...i keep telling myself that and i try not to look too far into the future and get TOO over whelmed, but it is easy to feel like that.
Ok, it is after 11:30 and time for bed. good night all.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
tomorrow i have my reading class with my advisor and our lab and during this time i get to present a shortened version of my data, with some bits left out for brevity (hope to be less than 1/2 hour, tomorrow, but ~45-50 minutes on the 30th). i did volunteer for this, this is not a requirement! i did some fun animation in the power point that i just made...what fun! and i made a really cute fish for the presentation...just two ovals and some lines...it is not smiling, but it is cute--smile.
ok...beddy-bye time. just wanted to brag about the presentation.
good night and sweet dreams...
Sunday, October 7, 2007
as the weather gets cooler, i expect that there will be more. last year, when my mom was sick, we didn't know how long we would be gone, so we took the cats with us. when we came back ~3 weeks later, we noticed that we had mice...after that, we found 3 dead ones, the cats did a good job, but we saw minor evidence over the winter...i expect that we will be seeing more this year...i will keep a (b)log of it.
peace for now...back to the grindstone that is school and associated bits.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Thursday, October 4, 2007
i can't believe that i am putting this out into the world on a blog! oh, well. i guess that what they are for huh, to share your world.
well, the dissertation proposal is going slow with all the other stuff in my head, but i know i need to finish soon--my boss is giving me the "hairy eyeball" so that i know i am under orders to finish, or at least hand in an updated draft very soon. maybe by the end of the weekend? we shall see.
fonda has been devoting some time to the sewing room organization and about that i am happy...that means that i may be able to start sewing for stress relief soon, but of course, that also means that i have to get my stuff (school work) off the sewing table...it will happen...i just need to do one thing at a time.
that's it for now...time to focus on the proposal...sigh.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
time for bed...sigh...just have to get up again tomorrow and do it all over again. but i guess that is what life is about, huh? the kitties and fonda still love me, even if i cry.
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