birds

we must be the only ones around feeding the birds...we have a TON of goldfinches (picture of winter-boy) hanging out at the thistle feeders and they are also eating at the other feeder, they must be eating the millet. we counted 7+ at each of the thistle feeders plus some waiting for a space, man.

i filled the feeder yesterday and then again today...they eat alot.

goldfinches are cool because they can hang upside down and eat from the feeders...and they are pretty. we also have a pair of cardnals and some birds called a yellow rumped warbler...my bird book says they are also called "butter butts" because they have yellow rumps...what a fun name...and they are cute.

OK, guess i have to get back to data-entry (fun! not)

peace.

done

i'm done-i'm done-i'm dun-n (singing)

finally life can go back to some what of a normal pace...monday starts guts...i love being a fish-girl sometimes.

now i just need to hang out and be cool and wait for them to make the decisions...sigh...

all that matters at this point is that i am done for now.

the photo was taken in 2006 when f and i went to greece--athens...what fun and how cool to see something that people built SO long ago!

OMG!!

first, the photo is of Spot helping me study...there was progression, this is the culmination...what helpful cats we have!

tomorrow is the first day of COMPS! i feel like i want to throw up...i am light headed and can't stuff anymore into my head...it reminds me of the far side where the kid with the small head asks to be excused because his brain is full...i can't figure out what to do.

i have everything ready for tomorrow--the geology part...Dr. R accidentally sent me the copy of the questions along with a spread sheet that is necessary for the test...i saw one question (or part of one) then quickly shut it down and asked if he meant to send that too...it was a HUGE temptation to look at the questions and prepare ahead of time for the test...i was a good girl.

let us see where that gets me? i hope not to throw up today or anytime this week and not to cry in front of anyone either, because i could see that happening too. i have been having problems getting to sleep because i can't turn my brain off enough and then i can't wake up because i am so tired and then tomorrow i have a specific time that i need to be up and showered and ready and i just hope i can do it...waaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

keep breathing...i need to find that necklace the one that says "breathe" and wear it for the next few days...i think i know where it is...

i have also been working on a quilt of Mom Scraps...it is taking shape...f can't figure out how i can work on that when i have this HUGE test hanging over my head...i guess i have to tell her my brain is full and i need some Mom-time...i can't believe all the scraps she saved and also some of the colors/fabrics she was using...i think some of these fabrics are VERY old--like something that she got when she first started to sew or something...weird stuff, but i have been having fun...i have no idea how it will be quilted, but we shall see what it ends up like and how big...when do i stop? i guess i stop when i am done...i am having fun and i have squares from 3 other people in there and some squares that Mom did and some 1/2 finished squares too and i put together some pinwheels from some 1/2-square triangles that she had made, but didn't do anything with...we'll see.

gonna go and be stupid at National Geographic puzzle land--what fun!! enjoy the link...pick and choose--it can be overwhelming < href=>"http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/yourshot/jigsaw-puzzle.html">

cut and paste if nothing else...so there!

no rest for the stressed

i currently have this image on my desktop...it came from National Geographic...cool, huh?

my life as a fish girl has been a bit rocky as of late. i have been told that the first year is the hardest. went to see Golden Compass yesterday, Mom's birthday, and it was good. they played with the timeline from the story, but mostly what happened, happened. some major things were left out--like the ending--but i guess that means that we have to see the second movie, huh?

i am reading like i have never read before...i have read some serious "foundation" articles and a ton of info on estuaries and their functions. i have read about the history of cod, oysters and now striped bass and then Chilean Seabass (toothfish) (they are yummy, but overfished)(duh)(smile). good books and all but a TON of reading. i am taking my comprehensive exams soon (January 7-10)...this should be a time of stress, but i think i will probably be too pooped to be too stressed, but i am not sure...we shall see.

there is a big, bright yellow dandelion in the yard, and temps are in the 70's!! holy cow! the birds are still thinking that it will be snowing soon, and who knows, that may happen tomorrow...gotta go get more bird food soon, and feed the "chickens" (you know, anything that diverts you from what you NEED to be doing). speaking of chickens, i made the neman marcus cookies a few days ago, if you have the recipe, try it, they are great!

this was taken on-board the Schooner-Heritage in June of 2001. mom and i went on this cruse...7 days and 6 nights in Maine...what fun! i actually went swimming, like an idiot...water temps in the 50's!? gotta do it once, huh? this was a really cold morning...mom didn't even have coffee yet!

we had a good time getting there too...covered bridges and some cemeteries for grave rubbing...i brought back a fern from NH at a covered bridge, (probably illegally) that i planted in the front yard, it is probably gone now, with the new people and all...sigh. anyways, we had a good trip and i won't forget it...i also just recently found her copy of the map and notes about the trip! I haven't read it just yet, but it is nice to have her notes too. she was such a neat lady.

sigh

november 1. just last year we were planning to go to mom's and fix thanksgiving dinner...

tomorrow will be one year from hearing that the surgery was a no-go for mom's gamma knife surgery. by sunday, mom called and said come. we were on the road and a 12 hour car ride with 4 cats within 2 hours of getting that message.

i had planned to take a recorder with me for thanksgiving and ask questions of mom, like margo, my neice asked dad last year. it never happened. there are so many questions that will never be answered. i miss mom every day. i see the birds and they make me smile. i quilt and it makes me think of her. i just found some papers with her handwriting on them, i didn't want to get rid of them, they were things i would never use...just mom's. i copied some and them passed them on with one of mom's old books, they belong together. i miss her so much.

the things i am doing, i am doing in her memory. i will finish school and it will be because of her. she believed in me and made me believe in myself. i love my mom. i am glad to have known her as an adult child.

i am greatful for the people who are taking care of me now, too. i know they love me and support me, but most of them don't know what its like. fonda's mom says she still looks for her mom sometimes...that's what its like, like she just went out and she'll be back and i can tell her i love her again and she will tell me too. oh, god. i miss my mom.

ok, i need to put on my happy face and to out into the world again, for now. i have to go to class and send some mail...i am not looking forward to the coming weeks. i need to make new plans...i am going to try to continue mom's thanksgiving plans and invite those who cannot make it home for the holiday to come and eat with us. to have those with no other options to come and join us so they won't be alone on thanksgiving, but it will be hard, i know this. but, that's what life is about, making it through the hard times and sharing things with others...making new memories to add to the old. thank god i won't be traveling far this year (knock on wood).

Peace and tears-snile (mom's old sign-off)

the cute fish...

here is the cute fish...it was like pulling teeth to get it to show up, but i figured it out...what a pain...oh well it is here. it gets put through the ringer and goes in and out of the estuary in my presentation...but it looks happy, huh?

all is good today...i think my sister got a dog...sigh...they are trying to have a baby too. happy to have my life some days. tomorrow is a reading day for me...i have a chapter and 1/2 to get through then there is a new professor and new material...AND i have to continue reading for my comps which will be in January...sigh...one step at a time...i keep telling myself that and i try not to look too far into the future and get TOO over whelmed, but it is easy to feel like that.

Ok, it is after 11:30 and time for bed. good night all.